Flavors of Fear

Learning to trust God one step at a time
 By David W. Ebel

I love listening to people. When someone begins to share what is really on their heart, you learn what concerns them. Lately, one word keeps coming up in the news and in everyday conversations: fear.

Fear does not always announce itself. Sometimes it sounds like worry. Sometimes it hides behind people pleasing, avoidance, resentment, or the determination never to be hurt again. Those things can become so familiar that we stop asking what is driving them.

That is why I want us to consider what God says about fear. Feeling afraid does not mean we have failed. The question is whether we will let fear take control of our decisions, our relationships, and our view of the future.

When fear knocks at the door

Psalm 56:3–4 shows us a person turning toward God while afraid. The fear is acknowledged, and trust becomes the response. We do not have to pretend that everything is easy before we can turn to Him.

Psalm 56:3-4 (NIV)
3 When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise— in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

Here is how I put it: fear may knock at the door, but it does not have to take the throne.

There is also a healthy reverence for God. We love Him, respect Him, and want our lives to honor Him. That is different from imagining an angry tyrant who created us simply to punish us. A desire to please God should draw us toward Him, including when we need His forgiveness.

First John 1:9 points us toward confession and His faithfulness to forgive. When we have done wrong, we can be honest with Him. We do not have to hide.

1 John 1:9 (NIV)
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Courage takes the next faithful step

Second Timothy 1:7 speaks of the power, love, and self discipline God gives His people. Isaiah 41:10 reminds us of His presence and help. We are not called to let fear govern our lives.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

An astronaut preparing to go into space understands there is danger. A soldier entering battle understands it too. Courage does not require that every feeling of fear disappear. It involves choosing a faithful response even when the unknown feels uncomfortable.

For us, that next step may be a difficult conversation, an honest admission, or asking someone trustworthy for help. We can act carefully and still move forward. Courage is not recklessness.

Worry can steal the life in front of us

I have seen people become so preoccupied with what might go wrong that they struggle to enjoy what is good. An unfamiliar car in the neighborhood becomes a reason to spend the day watching for trouble. A financial setback becomes, in their imagination, the loss of everything.

We can be responsible without spending every moment expecting disaster. There are things we cannot control, yet we sometimes give those very things control over us.

In Matthew 6:31–34, Jesus directs our attention toward our Father’s care and the concerns of today. That does not mean we ignore real needs. We deal with what needs attention, seek wise help, and bring our concerns to God rather than trying to live through every possible tomorrow at once.

Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)
31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’
32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

We can love people without living for their approval

I enjoy making people happy. If I am not careful, that desire can become people pleasing. I can become so concerned about someone else’s reaction that I stop being honest about what I believe.

We can love people without making every opinion they hold our own. We can disagree without making an enemy. We do not have to be offended every time someone sees things differently.

But keeping the peace must never become an excuse to ignore someone being harmed. If someone is being abused, our concern needs to include protecting the person who cannot defend themselves. Fear of the abuser’s disapproval should not decide our response.

Ask yourself: Am I choosing this because it honors God, or because I am afraid someone will reject me?

Bitterness can become a wedge

Imagine trying to pull a log apart with your hands. You probably cannot do it. But drive a wedge into a crack, apply pressure, and the log can split.

Unresolved hurt can work like that. A disappointment becomes resentment. Resentment becomes a habit of rehearsing the offense. Soon there is distance where there used to be warmth.

Fear can feed that process. We may fear that forgiving someone lets them get away with what they did, or that letting go means calling their behavior acceptable. So we keep a scorecard, and the scorecard begins to shape us.

I have been hurt and let down. I have gone home and cried. I have cried out to God and placed the matter in His hands again. Over time, some things that once seemed enormous have become much smaller in the larger picture of my life.

Forgiveness does not require foolish trust

Ephesians 4:31–32 calls us away from bitterness and toward kindness and forgiveness, grounded in the forgiveness we have received in Christ.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Forgiving someone does not mean pretending the wrong did not happen. It does not mean approving abuse, removing consequences, or giving that person the same access to hurt us again.

If someone borrowed money and did not repay it, forgiveness does not require another loan. We can release the scorecard while using wisdom about future decisions. Trust and access need discernment.

Sometimes a memory returns after we thought we had dealt with it. We can bring it to God again. That is an opportunity to keep surrendering the hurt rather than feeding it.

God walks with us through the valley

Psalm 23:4 describes God’s presence in the valley. Joshua 1:9 calls God’s servant to courage because the Lord is with him. Romans 8:38–39 assures believers that nothing in creation can separate them from God’s love in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 23:4 (NIV)
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Joshua 1:9 (NIV)
9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Those passages do not promise that every difficult circumstance disappears. They give us reason to trust God within it.

We may not know what is coming next. We can know whose love holds us as we face it. We do not have to do this alone.

Begin with an honest prayer

If you are stuck, tell God the truth. Tell Him where you are afraid. Tell Him where you are angry or bitter. Ask Him to help you respond in a way that honors Him.

Then reach toward someone who knows Scripture and can walk with you patiently. A church should be a place where wounded people can receive teaching, encouragement, and care. Growth takes time. We give our lives to God today, and tomorrow we come to Him again.

I have spent many years helping people, and I have seen lives change as people learn to trust God and put His Word into practice. I want that hope for you too.

You do not have to solve the whole future today. Start with the next faithful step.

A prayer for today

Father, show me where fear has been directing my life. Help me bring my worry, hurt, and need for approval to You. Teach me to forgive with wisdom, love people honestly, and take the next faithful step with You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used with permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Explanations and illustrations are the author’s own. The door and throne wording is not a Bible quotation.