People Pleasing or God Pleasing

“If if words could describe the real feeling inside. And I could decide that there's nothing to hide. I could take great satisfaction and not be driven to distraction. By expressing fully my feelings inside.”

David W Ebel. 1974.

The Beginning of People-Pleasing

Even as a teenager, I had a lot to say, yet it often felt as though no one truly wanted to hear it. Over time, I learned to become a people pleaser because I wanted to be liked and accepted.

In many situations, belonging seemed to require that I become more like the people around me. I learned to speak like them, think like them, and even pretend to believe what they believed. That mindset came at a cost: I began hiding much of who I was, what I felt, and what I truly wanted to say.

That was the beginning of a very bad habit.

Family, Fear, and Fitting In

As a sickly child, my parents became strong guiding influences in my life. In some ways, that was good: they cared for me, watched over me, protected me, and did their best to guide me.

But there was also a difficult side. My mother had a very strong personality, and her expectations were crystal clear. When I clashed with those expectations, the consequences felt severe. Then I would go to school, wanting to be accepted and to belong, so I began pretending I was like everyone else.

Unfortunately, when you fall into that habit, it does not take long before it begins to shape who you appear to be.

The Mask of Approval

People-pleasing became a survival strategy—a mask. My need for approval became so important that many people liked me, or at least they liked the version of me I pretended to be. I was popular, yet not truly known.

People often responded well when I mirrored them. I convinced myself that their acceptance mattered more than whether my words and actions reflected what I actually believed. Deep down, I was afraid that if people really knew me, they would reject me or push me away.

The Choice We All Face

Have you ever felt that way—at home, at work, at school, at college, with friends, at church, or anywhere people gather? In those moments, we face an important decision:

·         We can stand firm in what we believe and trust God to bring people into our lives who will accept us as we are.

·         Or we can become like chameleons, changing from one person to another in order to please everyone around us.

That second path is a terrible habit. Eventually, you may lose sight of who you are, what you believe, and who God created you to become. It shapes your identity and can slowly move you away from truth.

Becoming a God-Pleaser

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” He does not simply suggest this; He lovingly commands it.

The beautiful truth is that He does not demand that we change ourselves before coming to Him. He receives us as we are, and then, through His mercy and love, He gently leads us into becoming genuine—more like Him, real with God, and honest with others.

That is when we begin to become God-pleasers instead of people-pleasers. There is a huge difference. When we truly love God, one of His first commands is that we love others. Pleasing God does not mean we stop valuing people; it means we love them in a way that honors Him.

Learning to Live from God’s Approval

The best friendships in my life began to appear after I gave my life to Christ and learned to love myself as God loves me. Slowly but surely, as I fell in love with Jesus, I came to understand that if God loves me for who I am, then His love must become my first priority.

How I live, how I act, how I speak, who I speak to, and how I speak to them will either please God—or it will not. That realization changes everything.

The challenge is that we still want approval from our peers. Too often, we dull the edge of our “sword” because we are afraid of offending or hurting someone. But Scripture says, “Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you.” That truth is profound.

If I carry my own burdens—grudges, bitterness, frustration, doubt, or hesitation toward others—I will eventually return to seeking attention, approval, and love from people. But if I give those burdens to God, I can seek His opinion first.

Freedom in Pleasing God

We can be hindered by constantly trying to serve others in ways that merely please them, or we can be empowered by pleasing God. When we give Him freedom in our hearts, minds, thoughts, and lives, we discover the joy of God working through us.

He trains us in His way so we can become more like Him: more loving, more encouraging, more restoring, more compassionate, more thoughtful, and more like Christ in every way.

A Personal Mission

This has become both a mission and a passion for me. I have been practicing this for more than 50 years, and still I remain open to God doing new work in me.

I pray that you will be encouraged to ask God to help you examine your heart as well.

Seek God, and He will be found.